Ahh Spring. That magical time of year when the snow begins to melt and the world springs back to life. Flowers bloom, birds return from their sojourn to the south, and…what’s this? Another creature awakens from his long slumber, steps forth from the safety of his cavern and stares blinking into the sun. My various gods, its your long absent writer David! He seems rejunivated, yet grumpy. Maybe if we allow his to forage for some berries and grains, he will be able to distill them into a life granting liquor, his only known source of sustenance. Then he might tell us of the wisdom that he has acquired from the Land of Dreams.
But in all seriousness, I’ve been away for far too long and I’m happy to get back to talking about movies and shit again with all you nice people. And what an amazing time to get to it! We are less than a week away from Daredevil Season Two, ten days away from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and about a month and a half from Civil War!
So, what better way to prepare for all this super hero smashing than to spend way too much time and effort dissecting the most recent Civil War trailer and trying to find any clues as to what the film might have in store for us?
In the words of the great Michael Buffer, “LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!”
In this first scene we see Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, in some sort of tube and being guarded by some dudes. Is this a flash back to when he was working for Hydra? Has this happened since the events of The Winter Soldier? When Cap says, “we try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn’t mean everybody,” is he refering to him not being able to save Bucky? Hell if I know. Let’s move on.
Here’s some security cam footage from The Avengers and The Winter Soldier, just to remind you that whenever these people get together, shit just gets ALL blown up.
Hey look! Its William Hurt as General Ross! We haven’t seen him since The Incredible Hulk in 2008! What’s that? You don’t remember him? You don’t remember The Incredible Hulk? No one remembers The Incredible Hulk? Well then. Ummmm, next .gif the, I guess?
More destruction! This time its Sokovia, from Age of Ultron. Scarlet Witch is naturally upset by this image, and Cap shows that he might be a bit protective of her. Big Bro/Little Sis thing maybe?
Gen. Ross informs Cap that, “People are afraid,” and we get EVEN MORE ‘splosions. This time it looks like they’re in the nation of Wakanda, aka “that place that Hulk and Iron Man fucked up in Age of Ultron.” Jesus, these people mess up a lot of towns. I’m siding more and more with the good General.
Here he is folks! T’Challa, King of Wakanda, better known to the world as the Black Panther. Surely he will be the most notable new character revealed in this trailer.
Quick Question: Why does Iron Man have to be dropped out of a helicopter? He can fly. We’ve seen him fly crazy long distances. What is the point of him chillin’ in a chopper in full armor? These sorts of things keep me up at night.
Cap and Black Widow both seem a bit suprised that Stark is all of a sudden the voice of reason and restraint. I mean, this is the dude who once took his armor to make a doughnut run (in Iron Man 2) and bought his girlfriend a giant stuffed bunny with giant boobs (In Iron Man 3), so I kinda understand their reaction.
I have no effing idea what this giant sunken sea base is, but it looks awesome and I’m all in. Shit, I’m starting to get more and more excited for this.
I’m glad that Stark also recognizes that Cap is an incredibly attractive man. This makes me much more comfortable with my romantic feelings towards him. Although the animosity between the two of them kind of puts a damper on my Iron Man-Captain America Slash Fic.
Original Action! No more recycled ‘splosions from previous films! The chase is fucking on! WOOOOOOOO!
Holy Shit! Welcome to the MCU Black Panther! That’s some rad shit right there!
On a side note, “Black Panther” sounds like it could be a new model of Audi. This is synergy at its finest people
The thing I love most about this scene is the look that Robert Downey, Jr gives at the very end. Its like, this is the moment when it all gets real. Maybe Stark thought that the Avengers could resolve things peacefully, but it is at this moment when he knows that all hope for that is lost. His shock is palpable. This sequence is incredible.
Not a ton of note going on here. Cap runs through more ‘splosions and Bucky aims a rifle. Yawn. Next.
We’re halfway through the trailer and it really looks like Cap and his squad are the agressors. First, Bucky tries to shoot Stark in the goddamned face, and now someone is blasting War Machine out of the air. All Stark ever wanted to do was to give them all some acountability! #TeamIronMan
Ok, I’m going to be completely honest: I’m not sure if its Captain America or Iron Man who says, “I was wrong about you. The whole world was wrong about you.” I think its Iron Man who says it, but I could easily be wrong. Let me know what you think in the comments because this is really starting to bug me.
Like, this .gif helps lead me to believe that the “you” in the above quote refers to Cap, but damn if I just cant decide who’s voice that is.
We now move away from questions of voice recognition that are driving me up a wall to watch the Black Widow take out several armed men at once. Remind me again why we wont give Scarlett Johansson her own movie?
Stark is all, “They gone git you!” And Black Widow’s all, “Shit, they gone git YOU, son!”
I love that there’s in fighting within the teams. Iron Man’s crew isn’t single minded, they’re people with their own thoughts and opinions. Natasha is close to Cap, so siding against him can’t be easy for her, and this scene might suggest that she is more than a little conflicted about her allegiance to Stark.
God only knows how many times I’ve watched this scene, and it gets me every time. Both Chris Evans and Downey, Jr. are so good just in these few short seconds. They convey the pain and regret that Stark and Cap must both be feeling, knowing that everything they’ve accomplished over the course of so many years is collapsing. When Stark throws his sucker punch, you know that its hurting both men equally.
But enough of this emotional bullshit! Lets get back to the action! It looks like Black Panther’s vibranium armor can take a direct hit from a helicopter’s mini gun without even phasing him. That is fucking impressive.
I really just included this short .gif because I want to give Johansson as much solo screen time as possible because the good people at Disney refuse to give her a solo fil. NO, I WILL NOT STOP HARPING ON THIS! #BlackWidow4Lyfe
Oh shit! The Scarlet Witch is fucking the Vision right the fuck up! This is a guy (android? Whatever.) with an honest-to-Galactus Infinity Gem imbeded in his skull and she is taking him DOWN! Let’s all get ready for the Witch to take her rightful place as one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel canon.
Here’s our first look at Hawkeye and Ant-Man in this movie. This is a fun scene and I cant wait to see Jeremy Renner and Paul Rudd on screen together. They may replace Cap and Iron Man in my Slash Fic Fantasies.
Oh right, there’s also villains in this movie. Now Cap has to deal not only with Tony Stark’s posse, but Crossbones as well. Sure, he looks like a lame Punisher rip off, but he’s actually kind of cool. Trust me on this one guys.
This is the moment when we know for sure that this is a Captain America movie. All trailer long, Cap has been getting his ass kicked, and as I said earlier, you could make the case for him being the aggressor. But when he tells Iron Man, “I can do this all day,” a call-back to his first movie where he’s being attacked by some thugs, we know that, if nothing else, he is fighting for what he believes is right. And if I know anything about Captain America, its that he probably believes in the right thing. So he’ll fight. Even in the face of insurmountable odds, he’ll fight. Fuck I’m excited for this movie!
And after two minutes of being beaten down, Captain America finally gets his licks in. Screw it, I’m changing sides. #TeamCap
And here we have it. What its all been building up to. Friend vs. Friend. Brother against Brother. This is what we go to the movies for. Bring it on.
Oh and just one more little thing before I wrap this up: THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!!!!!!!!! SPIDER-MAN IS IN THE MCU AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!! GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Yeah, we all knew that this was happening for nearly a year now, but to finally see Spidey standing their wielding Captain America’s shield is almost too good to be true. I slowed down the above .gif so that we can all see it a bit better and really break his costume down. His web shooters are on the outside of his sleeves, so that’s different from what we’ve seen in the past. It also looks like he has additional web cartridges on his belt. I like that little detail. It makes it seem more practical and realistic, while maintaining a real comic book style.
Also, his eyes and the spider emblem on his chest are both smaller than they have been in any previous big screen iteration. Its a classical Silver Age look for him and I cannot express how much I love it. The suit in Amazing Spider-Man 2 was closer to what the Wall Crawler looks like in the books, but this look, with the combination of the throwback style and the modern, unique elements absolutly won me over. Bravo costume designers. Bravo.
Have you guys guessed that I really REALLY want to talk about Spider-Man?
Anyways, after he disarms Cap and lands in the Hero Position, the camera pulls in. This is when the magic happens, people.
As we get closer to his face we can see that his eyes are shuttered like the lens of a camera, allowing the white sections to shrink or expand. Its such a simple little thing but Holy Hell. It works like gangbusters. This is the image that will be seared into my brain for the next six weeks. Our Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man staring us down, his eyes narrowing almost as if he’s asking us, “Are you ready for this?”
Yes Spidey. I’m ready. Let’s go.
